John Gray denies being suicidal, chastises Church for not 'concealing' his sin

John Gray said he is not suicidal, despite numerous published reports (Credit: Relentless Church // EEW Magazine)

John Gray said he is not suicidal, despite numerous published reports (Credit: Relentless Church // EEW Magazine)

Article By Paul Mason // EEW Magazine News

After a video of Bishop T.D. Jakes telling a weeping Pastor John Gray “the spirit of suicide hangs around your house,” many prayed for that suicidal spirit to be lifted from the Relentless Church leader.

But now Gray is telling everyone, not so fast. They wrongly assessed the situation, and he never was actually suicidal in the first place.

In a new sermon at his Greenville, SC church, the preacher who has been under scrutiny for admitting to cheating on his wife, Aventer Gray, said, “I saw people—bless their hearts—online talking about, Pastor John talked about suicide. I didn’t say that I went and got a gun. I didn’t say I bought pills. I said the enemy put thoughts in my mind, and people tried to make that like I was out of my mind.”

He’s disputing that assumption.

The headlines about the OWN reality TV star’s suicidal ideations began after Gray ministered during a revival at First Baptist Church of Glenarden. While preaching, he said, “I literally thought about how I could end my life and still get to Heaven and somehow my kids would not be scarred, but there was no way I could figure out how to do it.”

He also confessed, “I wanted to call it quits.”

Those statements sent off alarm bells, mobilized prayer warriors, and sent his story flying around the Internet at warp speed. But the 45-year-old is hoping to clear up some misconceptions.

“Here’s the truth: you can be so hurt and so wounded that you would rather not breathe, and go see Jesus, because that’s a real thing,” he told congregants. “And you know what’s funny? It wasn’t devils that made me feel that way; it was people.”

According to Gray’s clarification and modification of his previous statements, the thoughts of suicide were planted by Satan, but caused by people.


I didn’t say that I went and got a gun. I didn’t say I bought pills. I said the enemy put thoughts in my mind, and people tried to make that like I was out of my mind.
— John Gray

In the sermon titled “Graveyard Shift,” Gray preached while in actual chains, and made pointed remarks directed toward those who question his salvation after infidelity. “What does my failure have to do with the blood of Jesus? That’s why I need the blood,” he said.

The husband and father also criticized people for digging up the sordid details of his sin and said the Godly thing to do is to just keep quiet.

“The Bible says, ‘It’s the glory of God to conceal a matter,’” said Gray, quoting Proverbs 25:2.

But defense of privacy is not the proper use of this scripture. The first part of the passage is referring to how unsearchable and unfathomable the mysteries of God are. It is God’s will and His glory not to reveal all things to His creation about His Sovereign nature and His will.

The second part of the verse, which Gray did not quote, says, “to search out a matter is the glory of kings.” That means, in arbitration, earthly kings search things out to get to the bottom of them, so they can make wise judgments.

Gray continued his campaign for “concealing a matter” by using Genesis 9 to support his position. “When you see brokenness, you walk in like Noah’s sons. You walk in backwards. That’s what God honors,” he said, making the point that God told Noah’s sons not to look upon their father’s nakedness in his drunken state, but instead, to preserve his dignity.

Gray then added, “But somehow in a church, we highlight people’s brokenness. We highlight their addictions. We celebrate their shame, as if you don’t have a chance and a time coming when you’re going to need some grace.”

Those in attendance seemed to be in agreement as they stood, and at select times, applauded.

Outside the four wall of Relentless, rather than applause, there is a relentless chorus of voices condemning the act, lack of apology, and failure to step away from the pulpit for a time of self-evaluation, and healing.

Gray and his wife are choosing to stand strong and carry on in ministry. And from the looks of things, there is a supportive group of people there that wish to see them both do precisely that.

He has, at the time of writing this article, disabled comments on social media, and remains on staff as one of the associate pastors at Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church in Houston.