Marital bliss is within reach: 9 Bible-based principles for a happy marriage
By EEW Magazine Online Editors // Love & Marriage
Marriage is a beautiful thing and is ordained by God. To experience the full beauty of being joined together in holy matrimony, there are principles that apply to your union.
While genuine loyalty to God and your spouse, as well as integrity in your relationship, are most important, these are not the only things that make a marital relationship work.
If you’re a wife (or hope to be one someday), and you are wondering what you could possibly do to build a blissful life together with your spouse, EEW Magazine Online is offering 9 Bible-based principles for a happy marriage.
#1 Don’t go to bed angry. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26)
No matter how lovey-dovey a couple is and how amazing their marriage is, it’s not realistic to assume they will see eye-to-eye all the time. No one does. Differences of opinion create tension in the strongest unions, but husbands and wives have to live with and love each other through it. In those times when you inevitably clash with hubby, don’t let negative emotions drive you to be vengeful, mean, inconsiderate, abrasive, cold and unfeeling. Be willing to work it out, and try to get things right before going to sleep. Tomorrow isn’t promised.
#2 Really listen. Then respond. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19)
Arguments erupt and intensify when one or both parties try to get a point across without listening to and understanding the other person. Heated debates can be more easily diffused when both the husband and wife genuinely consider the other’s perspective, no matter how different. When everyone tries to be heard, and no one wants to listen, no one is heard, and chaos is ensues. My grandmother who was married 60 years before Pop-Pop died always told me, “God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.”
#3 Choose and use your words carefully. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)
In my early days of marriage, I was hot-tempered and quick to say whatever popped in my head. God has worked on me over the years, and experience has taught me that apologies don’t close the wounds created by vicious verbal daggers. We must be careful what we say to our spouse. Wounding someone with your tongue takes seconds, but reversing the psychological and emotional damage can take years to heal, if ever. Sticks and stones break bones; misused words break hearts and spirits.
#4 Use wisdom. “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” (Proverbs 14:1)
One of my best friends used to call me at all hours of the day and night. She frequently dropped by the house unannounced. I didn’t think much of it. We had been friends for years, and that was normal for us. After getting married, however, fitting my girlfriend’s lengthy conversations and visits into my schedule grew harder and harder. Over time, my husband expressed his frustration. He was right to be irritated; it was out of hand. Wisdom said, it’s time to set boundaries to show respect to my husband and my marriage. I talked to my friend, and she understood. We’re still friends today. As wives, we have the opportunity to make choices that will impact our home life positively or negatively. We must ask God for the wisdom to choose rightly.
Couples that listen to each other, respect each other and go out of their way to be kind are shown to experience more joy, happiness and longevity in their marriages. (Credit: EEW Magazine Online)
#5 Don’t let everybody in your business. “A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly.” (Proverbs 12:23)
Everyone needs a confidant, but you can’t tell everybody everything. Friends and family members, no matter how well-meaning, can be detrimental to your union if you allow them into private matters and become overly influenced by their opinions. Wise and Godly counsel is necessary, but everyone isn’t qualified or discreet. Some will reveal closely-held secrets, while others will give terrible advice that could be harmful to your marriage. Just like a dish can be ruined if there are too many hands in the pot, a marriage can be ruined if there are too many people and voices in the mix.
#6 Don’t be a nag. “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (Proverbs 21:9)
There is a difference between addressing serious matters and constantly finding fault and being critical of minor things. No husband is perfect. They won’t get it right every day, and you shouldn’t expect them to. Your Prince Charming will not always be so charming and do what you ask, when you ask or how you ask. They will forget a grocery item, leave something on the floor, pay a bill late, and sometimes, do the very thing that ranks as your biggest pet peeve. So what. Before going on a tirade, evaluate the situation by asking a simple question: Is it that serious? Bottom line is, if you don’t want to be a nag, once in a while, you have to be willing to take a deep breath and refuse to sweat the small stuff.
#7 With the children, present a unified front. "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.” (Matthew 12:25)
If you have children, co-parenting is a big part of marriage and can also be a source of fighting. Moms and dads are not exactly alike. Therefore, while one may think their way is the right way to handle a situation, the other may disagree. Communication is key to avoiding parental strife. But when avoidance is impossible, take those disagreements behind closed doors. Tension, division, and arguing creates stress and confusion and can create negative emotional issues in the children. Presenting a united front will help them feel safe and secure, learn to respect both parents’ decisions, and keep them out of grown folks’ business.
#8 Forgive. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
Forgiveness is never optional. It is a command for every believer. However, if you are being abused in a marriage in any way, forgiveness does not mean staying in a toxic relationship. Having said that, when other marital issues arise that are not deal-breakers, if you want your marriage to be healthy, you have to let things go. Don’t say, I forgive you, then harbor resentment, withhold affection, and make a mental list to be weaponized against them the next time the two of you disagree. Forgive him the way you expect him to forgive you. To go a step further, forgive because God has forgiven you, and it is not right to withhold forgiveness from anyone.
#9 Display the fruit of the spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)
Everybody outside shouldn’t think you’re an angel, while your spouse thinks you’re Satan personified. Who you really are will show up in your marriage. If you are truly walking in the spirit, you won’t give into the whims of your flesh—which always tells you to do the opposite of what is good and beneficial—whether you’re inside or outside the home. When God’s power is alive and active, you are governed by His word. That’s how you avoid common pitfalls that break up would-be rock-solid unions. A committed and submitted believer displays love, gentleness, peace, and self-control.
No marriage is without struggles, and there is no way to head off every issue. But if you do these 9 things, you will experience a greater level of happiness, joy and fulfillment in your relationship.
