Is it hard for you to accept compliments? LeToya Luckett gives great advice on how to fix that
Article By Tanya Avery // Inspiration // Self-esteem
Do you have difficulty accepting compliments and find yourself deflecting (or even pointing out something negative about yourself) instead of simply saying thank you? If so, you’re not the only one!
Recently actress and singer, and original Destiny’s Child member, LeToya Luckett, admitted, “It used to be hard for me to take a compliment”—showing that she’s definitely just like all of us that struggle in this area also.
The wife and new mom, who welcomed her gorgeous daughter, Gianna Iman, in January 2019 with husband Tommicus Walker, made the brave confession during a recorded Essence.com couch chat with two girlfriends, fellow singer Keri Hilson, and model Eudoxie Mbouguiengue.
According to the R&B singer, whenever someone would shower her with praise, she said, “I had to point out something negative to deflect before I could actually accept the compliment. And then I started saying, ‘You know what girl? You are that!”
A interesting study revealed that women accept compliments only 40 percent of the time, but even less when that compliment comes from another woman—just 22 percent. Furthermore, psychologists say lots of people respond poorly to compliments when they have poor self-esteem, simply because they feel unworthy of such adulation. Most are more accepting of statements that confirm, not challenge, notions about themselves—whether positive or negative, true or false.
Once the “Torn” singer grew tired of her own unhealthy and self-deprecating mental and verbal portrayals, she said she forced herself to “look in the mirror and say, ‘You are enough,” adding, “It’s okay to love you.”
Now that the 38-year-old has personally seen the good impact of deliberately working to improve her self-perception, she is passing the powerful lesson in self-love onto others—particularly her stepdaughter, Madison.
“My little 7-year-old, when we first started hanging out and building our relationship, she would say, ‘I love your hair. I want hair like yours or I want to be your complexion,” Luckett explained.
But rather than allow Madison to internalize such thoughts and feelings, the protective mother sprang into action. “I took her to the mirror, just like I took myself to that mirror, and I said, ‘Say that you are enough. Say that you’re beautiful.”
We love that.
And even though Luckett, a strong woman of faith, believes healthy love for one’s self is important, she said she isn’t focused on the outer appearance. She told her girlfriends, “At the end of the day I want people to see my light, period— my inner light, the light that God gave me.”
Luckett ended with, “This little light of mine … that’s what I want people to see over any physical beauty.”
Well, shine on, sis.